So, this has more to do with me saying my own thoughts out loud (in public) than being of any practical use to anybody other than me. I’ve been writing professionally for coming on 8 years. It’s been my primary means of support for about four of those years. In all of that time, the thing that tends to bog me down, get in the way of trying new things, and generally stand in my way is mostly me.
I’ve had some bad experiences. Everything from writing partners who treat me as a junior member to writing partners who barely bother to wake up, to those around me belittling what I know I’m here to do. But, I’ve also had unprecedented support. From my friends, my wife, my agent, my peers, and my fans. Hell, the devotion and support my wife shows me in every ridiculous endeavor I throw myself into would be more than enough for me, but, to have all of you great people standing there cheering me makes even the hardest day worth while. So, the good sort of cancels out the bad (no matter how much I like to bitch about the bad… c’mon, everybody loves a good story about a douchebag!)
But still, with all of that, the one thing I constantly have to fight, is my own confidence. Knowing that I do know what I’m doing, and that I can do what I do well. Last year was a tough year for me creatively, despite the huge amount of output I had. Some of the problems with the work was my fault, some was due to outside forces. But every single one should’ve been combated with the fact that about my work, and what I’m trying to do, I’m the expert. Nobody knows how to do what I do better than me.
I don’t mean that in a broad, “I’m the greatest writer ever” sense. I mean that I’m the greatest writer who is me ever. Despite the poor sentence construction of that last sentence. What I do isn’t for everybody, and, judging by the sales on some of my creator owned work in the past, it may in fact be for nobody. But, I can be remarkably proud of just about everything I’ve ever done.
I’ve rid myself of many of the toxic people and situations that polluted a lot of my work last year, and, for the past few weeks have been working only on my own work. Virtually no work for hire. Just my new graphic novel with Noel, my young adult fantasy novel, and a few pitches for projects that I desperately love. I’ve put on hold a few things that I’m excited about, but have less of a handle on to focus on the three or four things that make me deliriously happy at the thought of them happening.
With the graphic novel’s new publisher doing some amazing prep work, some genuine passion from a few Hollywood folk on the novel, and everybody rooting for me on each of the projects I’m working on, I finally feel like I’m getting my shot to do what I was meant to do.
And, for a change, I’m considerably less worried about blowing it.